Every up has its down.

Remember when I was all “New year. New me.“? Well, it hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would be. Having Graves disease isn’t easy, but having Graves while nursing and working full time is even harder. Trying to get my health in check due to thyroid issues, attempting to get my body back to its pre-pregnancy shape, and ensuring that I continue to have enough of a supply to continue nursing my beautiful daughter has been rough. It feels like it is a perfect storm for exhaustion and I feel like I am being defeated.

I’m nearly 3 months in on taking anti-thyroid medication which causes weight gain. For 7 months, I have been taking a supplement and a prescription for milk productions that both cause weight gain. The cards are stacked against me, and the scale is creeping. This is a load of crap. Here’ a shot of my daily cocktail:
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Yup, six of those pills are teaming up against my fight to lose the baby weight. I am nearly 8 months post partum. I am pretty sure I am not allowed to even call it “baby weight” anymore, it’s just “fat”.

In looking to understand my disease, I have been researching the AIP, or autoimmune paleo, diet. Looks like my days of enjoying cheats of peanut butter and chick peas are going to be coming to an end soon. My hopes are that I can turn around my broken thyroid with the help of a complete nutrition overhaul. Maybe that will mean that my dose of Methimazole will go down? Unfortunately, I have become so down on myself that cookies have become the answer to perk me up. Then I feel like crap and the guilt takes over. Vicious cycle.

Luckily, I have been having more good days at the gym than bad. If I didn’t have such lows, the highs wouldn’t be so sweet. It’s just so damn discouraging to work my butt off and see the scale moving in the wrong direction.

So why am I sharing this? It started off as a way to get things off my chest. I wasn’t going to publish it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that if I share it, my ass will be held accountable. So, it’s in writing now. It’s time to get real.

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New year. New me.

I’m not sharing this so people feel bad for me. I’m not sharing this so that people who keep tabs on me anonymously through the internet can gain knowledge of my personal story. I’m not sharing this because I am an expert.

I am sharing this so that if someone finds themselves in my position, they know that there’s hope.

I know that I needed hope.

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